Praying with the Psalms – Friday 17th July

Lord, you know my heart

Psalm 139

1. Lord, you have searched me out and known me;
   you know my sitting down and my rising up; you discern my thoughts from afar.
2. You mark out my journeys and my resting place
   and are acquainted with all my ways.
3. For there is not a word on my tongue,
   but you, O Lord, know it altogether.
4. You encompass me behind and before
   and lay your hand upon me.
5. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
   so high that I cannot attain it.
6. Where can I go then from your spirit?
   Or where can I flee from your presence?
7. If I climb up to heaven, you are there;
   if I make the grave my bed, you are there also.
8. If I take the wings of the morning
   and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
9. Even there your hand shall lead me,
   your right hand hold me fast.
10. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will cover me
    and the light around me turn to night,’
11. Even darkness is no darkness with you; the night is as clear as the day;
    darkness and light to you are both alike.
12. For you yourself created my inmost parts;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
13. I thank you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    marvellous are your works, my soul knows well.
14. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was made in secret
    and woven in the depths of the earth.
15. Your eyes beheld my form, as yet unfinished;
    already in your book were all my members written,
16. As day by day they were fashioned
    when as yet there was none of them.
17. How deep are your counsels to me, O God!
    How great is the sum of them!
18. If I count them, they are more in number than the sand,
    and at the end, I am still in your presence.
19. that you would slay the wicked, O God,
    that the bloodthirsty might depart from me!
20. They speak against you with wicked intent;
    your enemies take up your name for evil.
21. Do I not oppose those, O Lord, who oppose you?
    Do I not abhor those who rise up against you?
22. I hate them with a perfect hatred;
    they have become my own enemies also.
23. Search me out, O God, and know my heart;
    try me and examine my thoughts.
24. See if there is any way of wickedness in me
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

Reflection

Who has not cried out to God, perhaps not asking him to slay the wicked, but with the same sense of anger and hatred when something bad happens, or the frustrations of lockdown become too much to cope with. We let fly at our nearest and dearest, we slam doors, we throw things, or, if you are shielding and live alone like me, you just scream at God.

The writer of Psalm 139 has much to complain about. He is writing of a time when the Jewish nation had been carried off to exile. He is living amongst people who are wicked and bloodthirsty, who abuse God’s name and have no respect for God, for each other and least of all for the Jews.

When things go wrong in our lives the most important thing we should do and the thing we most often forget to do is pray. This Psalm is a good example of how to do it.

Despite his despair the Psalm writer does not start with a list of grievances, nor does he tell God how good he, the Psalmist has been. He begins by reminding himself of how good God has been in his life.

Lord, you have searched me out and known me;
you know my sitting down and my rising up; you discern my thoughts from afar.

You mark out my journeys and my resting place
and are acquainted with all my ways.

For there is not a word on my tongue,
but you, O Lord, know it altogether.

You encompass me behind and before
and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
so high that I cannot attain it.

An all seeing, all present, all knowing, all powerful God might seem threatening, like Big Brother in George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four. But the Psalmist sees hope in the God who knows his every move, searches for him and can find him wherever he goes. God has always been in control, right from the moment he was conceived.

For you yourself created my inmost parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I thank you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
marvellous are your works, my soul knows well.

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was made in secret
and woven in the depths of the earth.

Having reassured himself of God’s love he now turns to his complaint, knowing with certainty that God wants to know the feelings of his heart. We cannot hide our true feelings from God. He wants us to be honest with him, to open our hearts to him, not to put on a brave face and pretend everything in the garden is rosy. He wants to hear our pain as well as our praise, nothing can hurt or shock him who bore our pain on Calvary.

Then having, perhaps, worn himself out with groaning he lays his heart open to God.

Search me out, O God, and know my heart;
try me and examine my thoughts.

See if there is any way of wickedness in me
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Lord, you know my heart,
you know that I am not always faithful to you.
Try me and examine my thoughts,
forgive me my faults,
and lead me in the way everlasting,
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Peter Walker
Reader (North East Hub)